Does your life sometimes feel like a constant rollercoaster ride – full of emotional ups and downs? Are you tired of the feeling of being ‘off centre’?
I’ve been there myself, and I now know that life don’t have to be this way. There’s an alternative. This alternative path involves a solid foundation you’re then able to live from.
It leads to emotional immunity even in face of matters that would normally cause you upset.
I used to live life on shaky ground with endless emotional highs and lows. Everyone around me seemed to be living their lives similarly. I was completely unaware that an alternative path even existed.
I was extremely centred on my possessions. I had to have nice things. For example, when I bought myself a nice pair of jeans I would be feeling great, but only for a short period of time.
Money was also a primary foundation I based my self-worth on. I remember thinking that I’d attain happiness when I grew up to be a wealthy businessman.
There was also a time when I was obsessed about my looks. In my mind, I had tied the way I looked to my wellbeing. If I was looking good one day I felt good about myself as a result. But almost literally a bad hair-day could through me off balance.
I had basically tied the centre of my being to these volatile external factors. This was a very unhealthy centre to live from but I didn’t know that there was an alternative.
What do you think would have happened to my wellbeing, if I weren’t able to buy new things for myself.. if I lost all my money.. if I had a disaster with my outer appearances?
I would have been feeling awful about myself, and this feeling would have affected all aspects of my life.
This goes to prove how poor of a centre these particular external factors form. I have my own life experience to prove this. I used to be shaken by negative developments in any of these external circumstances.
Here are 6 of the most prevalent, and unhealthy, centres people choose to live through. See if you can’t relate to any one of them.
At first glance, relationships seem not to be such a bad centre. Relationships facilitate many positive things such as sharing, compassion, and love. But as a centre, it still isn’t good enough. To prove this, you only have to think of a situation where you have to let go of a particular friendship or a loved one. If you are a relationship centred person these events can upset you quite a bit.
A new Mercedes Benz can be fun for a while. Getting one can make you feel on top of the world. But how long does it take for the novelty to wear off. You’ve probably heard of examples when the wealthiest among us feel the most depressed. Possessions can never deliver the hype it promises. Focusing on your possessions also fails the test of a healthy centre.
‘Youth is beautiful and oldness is ugly.’ This is the modern paradigm most have internalized. When you’re young and looking like a million bucks, you feel good about yourself. But what happens, in the inevitable case, that your body begins showing signs of aging. How will the first grey hair affect you? Will it through you off?
Look around you. Can’t you notice that personal wealth dictates how people see themselves, and relate to others? This is the outcome of an entire society centring itself on money and wealth. Many people derive their personal status through wealth. But money is an extremely volatile matter. These kinds of people are standing on shaky ground.
5. Fame and Reputation
People are willing to do all kinds of things for fame and glory. They are willing to step on people, manipulate, and even stab friends in the back. All of this just for favourable reputation. It’s clear to see that reputation is on the top of the list of priorities for many. Yet, it’s another fleeting and unhealthy centre. How will you react when time has passed you, and your reputation, by?
Especially men tend to base their centre on the work they do. “What do you do?” is probably the most frequent question we ask a person when we meet them for the first time. “Oh, you’re a doctor! How awesome is that.” We compare ourselves through the tittles we have. But what if you get laid off and you’re unable to get a new job immediately?
Recommendations for building a solid structure
If you’re like most, you could probably relate to some of the six points above. Chances are that your centre is a combination of these and others.
Did you notice what connects the above common centres together? Yes, they are all dependent on external circumstances.
The problem is that the external world is in constant flux.
If you base your centre on external things, you too will be in constant flux as a result. This explains the rollercoaster ride that we call our life, where never reach a solid and constant centre to live from.
The solution is to base your centre on something internal, opposed to something external.
It is wise to base it on something that is fundamentally unchangeable, no matter what happens in the outside world.
If you do this, it’s the end of the unpredictable and emotionally draining emotional ups and downs.
Choose to focus your centre on inner principles.
Some examples of these unchangeable principles are:
Fairness, courage, unity, love, wisdom, kindness, gratitude.
The good thing is that you’re completely in charge of your personal centre. You’re in the driver’s seat. You can continue to give power to external circumstances, or you can choose to create a foundation based on consistent inner principles.
A life lived through these unchangeable principles looks extremely different from a life centered on fluctuating external matters.
It’s a life of inner power. It’s a life where you affect your surroundings, rather than you being tossed around by them.
It’s a life where you can finally have some inner peace.
I feel useless…I’m not suicidal. I’m a 36 year old mother of a 5 and 2 year old living in a 6 year marriage. Its been hard to loose weight since giving birth. I take my kids to school every morning only to drive back home without the energy to get going on any of my projects. The man im married to is not supportive of my ideas. I’m financially drained because I’m not working. I’ve attended college. Im so afraid to step out on my own and I don’t know who to share this with. I pray for answers and strength all the time…I’m still listening for answers. I’m get older and I feel as though I’m running out of steam. I don’t want to be a supermarket greeter at 60 unable to send my kids to college for lack of planning and energy. I can share wisdom and encourage others but mybown message is null and void with me. My husband treats me like not so nice..more like a burden.. can leave any day and I’ll have a whole other struggle on my hands. Please don’t think I’m lazy…please don’t judge…I just feel lost. If there are any believers reading this please pray for me.
I have felt this way before and tired of what becomes the detestested“steps to feeling better“. This article’s percpective is great for realizing you may just aquided the wrong perspective of happines. i also recommend „the 5 love languages“ quick read for an incredible perspective on your marriage. All will inspire you. Dont give up.
Hi I’d like to say thank you so much for the infor;it is really helpful.I can see that now am worth more;and starting to feel optimistic about my life as a whole;and that my thoughts have become more positive(Proverbs23:7)
Thanks a lot for the information. I was searching google about order in life when i came across this article. I really appreciate the point that you made about external circumstances. But there are times in life that because of your dependence on others or sharing things with them you cannot have full control on your own life. Especially, if it is with family members whom you care about much. For example, you share your room with a sibling. You want to wake up early and they don’t and the alarm clock bothers them. What can you do? You cannot sleep elsewhere in the house because others stay up late and you don’t!! I think there is no solution to that as long as you have to live with your family due to financial matters.
Mike, maybe you want to look around on this site, there are many answers already. Maybe start here: http://www.myrkothum.com/welcome/ or at the Archive: http://www.myrkothum.com/archive/
Your’re words are inspiring, and yet I still have feelings of desperation. Tell me there’s an answer.
Hi Marlene, I’m really happy you find the site useful. Let me know if you have any other feedback! :-)
I just happen on your site Myrko and I am stuck on it with all the positveness. Personal Development is the most important a person can use to enjoy life as it is meant to enjoy. The Creator provide all, we just have to Believe; however the world as we know it have made it the most difficult.
Thank You Myrko for sharing!!!!!!
@Roshmi: Thanks Roshmi! I’m glad the article served as a reminder for you.
Thanks Juha for sharing your thoughts. It is a great reminder to focus on the stable / timeless values which seem to have lost their importance in modern life. But as your article reveals, there is no other shortcut. :)
Thanks Myrko for the keeping this site so relevant and refreshing.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share Myrko! I think I’ve steadily been moving towards a inside-out way of living. I guess it’s starting to come through in my posts.
Thanks for the nice guest-post Juha. I think this whole post is really about living your life inside-out, enjoying life with a strong and unshakable inner basis.